Coors is red, Bud Light is Blue; Titos was tasty, my year without you…
My purpose in writing this piece is to organize my thoughts on going a year without alcohol, and to publish them in case they may be useful to others. I’ll provide a brief background on this “project” and a little about myself for friends I haven’t met yet. From there I describe my thoughts and feelings on the dry year, and finally answer a few questions posed by friends on social media. Martin Luther King holiday 2019 was my 40th birthday party weekend, and also my last weekend cuddled up to my favorite beverages. Shortly thereafter, I began posting updates on my Instagram account about not drinking: @ayearoffit. This handle reads two ways—a year (of) fit, as in a year of fitness, as well as a year (off) it, as in a year off alcohol. Since I began posting about not drinking I’ve had over 30 conversations with strangers about process, feelings, and motivations around alcohol abstinence. In person, I have probably doubled that number of interactions with friends inquiring about reasons and results. Below I will summarize some of those enjoyable and thoughtful, and sometimes uncomfortable exchanges.
Me
Generally, I would describe myself as a high achiever .When I want something, I usually go after it, sometimes to a fault of trying too many things or coming home tired. I am cognitively curious and want to squeeze as much from life as possible. I hold advanced degrees in three disciplines: communication, education, and business. I can talk to almost anybody; I can fit in almost anywhere never sounding arrogant or over-educated, or too simple or out of place. I have really strong opinions about many things that are so deeply personal that most of my closest friends don’t know them, as well as very public opinions about what is just and right—people deserve to be treated fairly, the world is a small and important place, and we need to be kind. I love my family and friends, and my happiest of places is on the boat, by the beach, or at the pool. In all of these values or virtues, alcohol was never too far away. Long day—beer. Rough day, wine. Celebration—beer. Beach season prep—vodka. Alcohol was always a normal accessory in situations of comradery or contemplation, condemnation or celebration. Like the many people I’ve talked to, I was not and am not an alcoholic. However, as my 40th birthday approached I found it more difficult to shake the cloud of the cocktail, my mornings seemed more scattered, and I seemed slower. It also seemed harder to keep in shape, and having been working with a personal trainer for the full year run-up to the big 4-0, I felt I was wasting money (and time) by drinking my fitness dollars away. I decided to stop drinking for a while. I had tried dry months here-and-there since the 1990's, but in 20 years, the longest I probably ever went without alcohol was a month. Until now. For clarification, this is about my personal beef with booze. My dry year has nothing to do with social or moral views on drugs or alcohol, or my views of what others do.
General Thoughts on the Year
I feel fucking fantastic. Seriously. It only took about a week for my sleep patterns to even out, but when they did, man, I forgot how sweet sleep can be. Previously I would not sleep through the night, or I would fall asleep but not stay asleep. I also know now that I truly am not a morning person.
This journey has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done…at first. The first few weeks/months were rough. I used a lot of substitutes (and still do) for that after-work-beer. These include sparkling water, sweets, candy, juices, and food. Since I was counting my macros I knew how many extra calories I could eat because I wasn’t drinking. And, since I wasn’t drinking all-of-a-sudden, my body was extra hungry. Rightfully so, I was starving it of 500 or more extra calories daily by not drinking. Once I got into a routine with substitutions, things were good. However, my first airplane ride in first class, where I didn’t have a drink, almost broke me.
People ask a lot of questions. Before I started posting on Instagram I had my closest friends to deal with. However, these people were, and still are, the most supportive. The usual questions were: why, how long will you go, will you start drinking again, how will you handle XYZ thing without drinking, and more. Of course, most of my answers to these things were “I don’t know,” since I didn’t want to get into the 500 words explained above about foggy mornings and turning 40.
Alcohol greased many things I’m finding I really don’t like. For example, I thirst for interesting and provocative conversation. My patience for vapid conversation has almost worn off completely. Fortunately, with my friend circles this isn’t really an issue, but before where I could listen to someone talk about their kids for an hour, frankly now I just can’t sit through it without a drink. I’ve also noticed that I hate going to smoky places which frustrates me because I love to dance and be social, but here in Tampa I get that hangover feeling from smoke—and that makes me sad.
I’ve saved a lot of money. Seriously. I’m still shocked sometimes at how little the bill is when I go out to dinners.
I think people are harder on vegetarians than sober people. Five years ago I gave up all red meat and I still find myself defending this choice. I just do not like it. Just as people who have never tried sushi get a free pass with “Ew, it’s gross,” I want that same free pass for red meat. Yet, I found once I told people I wasn’t drinking—they more-or-less laid off. Weird.
I dropped weight quickly, tightened up, and slimmed in my face. I had hit a plateau in my training. When I stopped drinking, I pushed through that immediately.
I “made it through” some things without alcohol I never had before. First was my actual 40th birthday on January 23rd, the week after MLK. I think we went to a fun dinner. That was my first win. Then I made it through a music festival cruise. Woah! (Answered a lot of fucking questions on that ship, though). I made it through a boys’ weekend at Spring Training and even Las Vegas. I did circuit party week in Provincetown, and a long-haul flight to the Middle East. The list goes on inclusive of important conversations about love, house, and finances—all without beer.
Finally, the question lingers: when will I drink again? I honestly don’t know. I suffer from guilt quite quickly. On one hand I could probably pick a day of celebration to end the dry run—like the spring break kick-off. Yet, on the other hand I know I will have a guilty morning and wake up thinking, “Well that was dumb.” So, I’m just not sure yet—and that’s okay.
Your Questions
I asked on Facebook what folks might want to know about the year without Mr. Tito, and there were 29 comments. I’ve categorized some of the questions and answers for space, but as always I will talk personally with anyone who wants more information, no matter how personal.
Hosting. What do you do when going to parties or when hosting yourself? First, when going to pools, beaches, boats, etc. now…I always take LaCroix water with me, or something similar like Diet Coke. This way I have something to drink and leave it at the party place. As for hosting parties and clients, I always have a stocked bar and will offer people what they want to drink. When people take me out to fancy places or their favorite watering hole, I ask the bartender to make me their favorite non-alcoholic drink, I say “I’m driving,” and tip big.
Drama and Sober in Party Places? A couple folks asked about this. Fortunately, I love to go to social events, parties, etc. When I’m tired of a place I simply leave. Remember, I’m 40 now. I have zero fucks to give about going to bed early. Actually, I’m still usually the last one up wherever I am.
Alcohol advertising? Yes. Yes. Yes! Someone asked about alcohol advertisements. This was particularly noted the first few weeks I stopped drinking. Alcohol is everywhere in the US. From t-shirts to commercials, alcohol is literally everywhere.
Finally, someone asked about mental health. This was something I hadn’t considered as the year went on, but was more evident as time passed. I have become extremely more aware of my thoughts and feelings, especially related to anxiety, disappointment, excitement, and joy. I go through waves of anxiety I hadn’t previously experienced as an adult, and I think this is due to complete clarity not numbed by drink. Several others online have written about increased anxiety. I also get frustrated more quickly when I have to deal with things that aren’t right—like poor customer service, etc. On the flip side, my energy, excitement, and joy seems higher than before. From tingly feelings of success when a student tells a great learning example, to staying up late to start a company, to feeling happy just sitting in the car listening to music. I’ve also had lows worrying about our parents, our dog, if this is 41 (now) is this the best I’ll ever look or feel again, why are people dying, why can’t the world get its shit together, will I always love my job? I’m not sure if these are questions in a time of clarity or the entry prize for turning 40. Whatever the case, a drink used to make them seem less scary. Now I read, or write, or watch TV—on top of training, yoga, fitness classes, and water stuff.
This piece, longer than normal, helps organize some of the report of my year without alcohol. I hope by posting it I can provide details for anyone inquiring about a journey like this. This essay is only a glimpse into my experience and, as usual, I’m more than happy to chat with someone about the “hows” or “whys” or “what happened whens.” Please reach out to me with questions, none-to-personal at @ayearoffit or chris@fitnesscommunication.com. Remember, this piece was my experience alone, and started as my desire to ease my alcohol use. Roses are red, violets are blue, and as always—party on and, you…do you.
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